I never know when I will be triggered and will experience a grief wave. A few weeks ago, I was on vacation and had one of those moments.
It was my last day of vacation in a secluded resort with sprawling beaches. I wanted to top it off with an early morning run. I started before dawn, hoping to catch a stunning sunrise.
I ran past the resort property line and soon found my rhythm, watched the waves break out in the distance and listened to them ripple and lap on the beach. The ocean seemed like it was reaching out to me, that it wanted to touch me and take away my worries.
In the Dominican Republic, stray dogs are quite common. These dogs have to search for food, water and shelter. From my experience, they crave attention and are friendly.
Shortly into my run, one of these feral dogs came into my path. He was playful, had cute ears that perked up when I stopped to say hello and give him a good scratch. He looked like a German Shepard puppy. It was hard to resist paying attention to him. I resumed my run, and he joined me. He was a welcome companion and I named him Connor. Mind you now, my son who passed away name is Connor.
Connor and I quickly fell into step. Dawn was beginning to break, and I was anticipating a gorgeous sunrise.
Connor and I ran past a deserted building and from the palm trees came two more dogs. They were more interested in Connor than me. I stopped to welcome them, scratched their ears and started to run again. These two new dogs joined the running troop. The Scottish Terrier I named Wire. The black dog became Goat. His ears and face looked like a goat and his neck was long.
The three dogs played together and were soon in a literal dog pile. I loved watching them as it reminded me of how my dog and my daughter’s dog played together. This was an unexpected joyful experience on my run.
The four of us ran along the beach. I came to a place where the freshwater river from the mountains met the ocean. I decided this was a good turnaround point. It just so happened a fellow early-morning runner was going by. He offered to take my picture with the sunrise in the background. I returned the favor.
I knew that at some point the dogs would need to leave. They were not welcome on the resort property beach. I set myself up for us to part ways. By now, the dogs were lagging behind me. I would occasionally look over my shoulder to see if they were still with me. I told them all goodbye and thanks for the run because I didn’t know when they would be gone.
Connor was the first one to disappear. Metaphorically, his leaving played right into my life, since he is truly no longer with me. The next one to drop off was Wire, which surprised me. Somehow, I thought he would be the one in it for the long haul.
Goat was the last dog with me. I kept shooshing him to leave but he persisted. We came to the last and final small freshwater stream. I ran through it, but Goat stopped. He yelped and I turned around. He was hesitant to go through the water. I thought good! He would turn around. The idea of being unwelcome and shouted at by the resort employees was foremost in my mind. To my dismay and astonishment, he bounded through the water and joined me at my side.
By this time, we were very close to the resort. I waved my hands at him and told him no. You are not welcome! Go home! Go away! It didn’t make a difference. I crossed onto the resort beach and immediately the workers started shouting and screaming at Goat. At this point I couldn’t look back. Inside my heart was broken.
This poor innocent dog wanted some loving, true companionship and needed some food and water. For a short time, I was able to provide love and connection. I was helpless when it came to food and water. I cried from the beach until I got to my room. I love dogs and Goat and I bonded. My sadness became greater as I thought of my son Connor. He too loved dogs and I know he would have figured out some way to help Goat. I felt like I let my son down.
The time I had with Goat will be a forever memory. The random picture taken by a stranger on a deserted beach includes me, a stunning sunrise and Goat!
